Most shyness experts seem to assume that shyness is a function of fear of rejection. But for some, shyness is more the result of a lack of social skills. Among the skills that can make a big difference in overcoming shyness is having easy ways to secure an approach to people unknown to you.

One helpful hint in successful conversation initiation is to approach someone who is alone or in a group of three or more. Two people talking are more likely to be engrossed in a real conversation and do not want to be interrupted. One person will probably be happy to no longer be alone, and three or more people will probably not mind one more person. Furthermore, a group may see less ominous and therefore easier to start a conversation with.

If the idea of walking up to a total stranger to initiate a conversation seems strange, keep in mind you are probably doing that person a favor by taking the first step. Few people want to stand alone at a party so they will probably grateful that you approached them, and they might be as nervous as you are.

Here are a few suggests for an approach in either social or business events.

• Just say whatever is on your mind at the moment as long as it is something that people can relate to.
• Ask a general question about that person such as their job, hobbies or whether they watch sports. Everyone enjoys talking about themselves.
• Start with a warm and inviting smile. When the other person reciprocates, continue with a general question as above.

What you should say in your opener should be relevant to the situation you are in and which you share with the other person; this could be the weather, the nature of the gathering, the atmosphere at the gathering, or the public behavior of one or more of the participants.

Make the introductory comment or observation one that is easy to agree with: “It sure is hot.” Or, “That’s a great looking tie you are wearing.” Or, “These are impressive looking people who have come to this event.”

You initiating comment or opener should answer the question: “Why are you talking to me?” A pretext for making the contact is key for the opener. Such a pretext might be: ‘I’m having a hard time finding a contact here who knows about x. Can you help me out? “Or, “Can you help me identify the organizers of this meeting? I need to find out about future meetings.

Shyness Defined